The lost art of listening

Source: The Sydney Morning Herald, 20th Sept 2010,
http://www.smh.com.au/small-business/blogs/the-venture/the-lost-art-of-listening/20100919-15hsa.html
*
At a recent business dinner, half the table checked emails or phone text messages during a lull in the event. At a meeting the next day, some attendees couldn’t go an hour without checking their phone. How pathetic to have a phone on silent, sitting on your lap, under the table.

I shouldn’t be surprised: a recent US survey found a quarter of all internet users think its okay to be online during sex. Slightly more said it’s okay to be “plugged in” during their honeymoon, and 8 per cent think it’s alright to surf the web during religious services.

Someone should set up Cyberholics Anonymous: “My name is John. I’m 45 years old, sleep with an iPhone next to my bed and check emails upon waking. I have sore thumbs from texting, and waste half the day replying to useless emails. I’ve forgotten how to listen and have a real conversation. I am now a manager of emails – not people.”

What’s your view: is technology in the workplace getting out of hand? Are you frustrated when somebody spends half their time texting while you talk to them? Can you share examples of cyber-addiction in your workplace?

I can understand teenagers texting and emailing themselves silly. But grown adults in business? One entrepreneur I know spends half his day at cafes emailing and social networking with contacts. Good for him if it works, though I doubt that alone can identify and solve customer problems.

Technology offers great benefits to small business owners. But has it gone so far that entrepreneurs and their staff are forgetting how to listen – really listen – and ask the right questions?

Is listening becoming a lost art when so many answers are in electronic printed short form and attention spans have compressed to seconds and minutes?

Are we too eager to tell others what we think via rapid-fire email?

Is this disease spreading to business?

The ability to ask questions and listen is vastly underrated in entrepreneurship. There should be courses on it. The best entrepreneurs I’ve interviewed over the years, those who’ve made the BRW Rich 200 and BRW Young Rich lists, have these skills in spades.

At times, you feel they are interviewing you to get information. The worst entrepreneurs engage in one-sided conversations about them and don’t care what anybody else thinks.

If you’re worried technology is denting the ability of staff to ask the right questions and listen to customers, consider these tips from Michael McQueen, founder of The Nexgen Group, an international training consultancy.

McQueen’s piece, Becoming a Master-Asker, has some terrific ideas (in bold):

1. Avoid closed questions that lead to a yes or no response: Ask questions that encourage dialogue, not one-word answers.

2. Don’t start questions with “why": That can make respondents feel they are being backed into a corner and needing to justify their response.

3. Ask one question at a time: How many times have you heard a journalist ask two or three questions at once, and the poor interviewee struggle to remember them?

4. Don’t ask loaded questions that solicit the response you want.

5. Ask questions with a curious, enquiring and interested tone.

6. Never ridicule or dismiss a response: All too often, we can’t wait to give view on an answer rather take time to reflect on it.

7. Be genuine: Don’t ask the question if you’re not interested in the response.

I’ll add some extra ideas:

8. Respect time: If someone is good enough to let you ask questions, be grateful for the opportunity.

9. Prepare, prepare, prepare: Strong preparation leads to strong questions.

10. Ask for permission to record the conversation if it’s important. That way you can listen deeply to the response rather than furiously scribble notes.

11. Start with broad questions first: Encourage more dialogue and build rapport, than move to detailed questions during the conversation.

12. Be prepared to probe: The best interviewers think on their feet and go where the responses take them to flesh out responses, rather than rigidly stick to a question sheet.

As more people become technology addicted, knowing what to ask and being able to listen will make a huge difference in truly understanding what customers want - and innovating.

*